Skip to main content

The Expat - an A to Z of how not to make friends.


Ok, so I have now officially disgraced myself with the Americans…

A little bit of backstory, I moved to Bangkok eighteen months ago. It was a tricky move coming from the eight times winner of the ‘World’s Most Liveable City’ Melbourne, Australia to one of the most polluted, congested and the world’s hottest capital city… I gave up a meaningful job that I loved, in the Not-for-Profit sector to become a lady of leisure. 


I threw myself into life here. I enjoyed the travel and getting to know Bangkok, and we had loads of visitors, but this year everything changed when we moved into our forever place in Bangkok. Hated it, nothing worked, was miserable, so had a great summer traveling the globe visiting family and friends instead.



Back in Bangkok, ready to immerse back into my Thai life, I am moving into a new apartment and ready to make some new friends, I joined a few expat organisations… 

I know, I know being an Expat sounds glamorous, we have left the homeland, or in my case homelands, and jetted off for a new life of adventure, travel, and parties. We live a life largely free from money worries, with help in the home and maybe even a car with a driver, in the parking lot.


It can be quite the opposite...

All expats know it can be lonely, frustrating and downright wretched. Away from your support systems, you learn to be resilient, you learn not to share too many of your woes with folks back home, who will not understand and you learn to make friends, and fast.

Hello, do you want to be my new best friend, 
and can I give you my emergency contact numbers?


Speed dating has nothing on an expat wife, newly arrived, 
on the search for a few people she can have a laugh with... 

The bored housewife takes on a whole new meaning in Bangkok, but fun can be had (I say this tongue in cheek… if I may use that expression) searching for a possible friend or two for your husband.  It is an impossible blind date lottery. 

How can you judge who of your new friends are partnered up with anyone who is not a wally wanker, a colonial prick or a dastardly dickhead… the latter tend to get exposed early on when the Thai temptations get the better of them, so they helpfully crash and burn out of the equation… 

From a distance, it is tricky trying to judge whether Brian from the bank, Colin from risk, or Jeffrey from logistics is going to be in the good mate ‘do you want to play tennis’ pile? Or go straight onto the ‘he’s a right plonker, what were you thinking?’ pile…


Last year a friend’s husband was suddenly taken ill, he ended up in a Bangkok Hospital where he had complications from his surgery and nearly died. A week later I am giving my emergency contact details to an almost stranger in any other life, now best friend, who I’d met on a handful of occasions… just in case.

My blogs are my happy space in the world and I don’t tend to share too much of my daily, dreary dross because quite frankly who needs to know. Do you really care? 


But let me test this out, to see whether I get any sympathy? Haha! 

This week I have sat at the True Corp telephone company desk on several occasions.  Picture me in a swanky, highest of high-end Bangkok shopping mall, where you expect everything to be as polished as the marble in the ladies loos, for over eight hours… Honestly, I could have sorted out world poverty in less time.

My simple task to ensure that when we move apartments we disconnect the correct phone and internet and reinstall at the new place. I'm after a landline, a television point that works and connects to English speaking channels and a mobile phone connection… Eight hours! 

First world problems, I know...


So imagine my joy at joining the American Women’s Club of Thailand and find that their Bookclub is reading a book called The Expats and that we can freely discuss all these expat issues without fear of judgment, in a safe house of those who understand…

Hello, I’m Wren and if I seem like a dippy Expat that's because I am currently juggling my life spread across three continents with kids all in different time zones. I am permanently jet-lagged and sleep deprived and is that enough of an excuse?

Well, I only went and read the wrong bleedin’ book! 



It’s even worse than that. The rest of the group read The Expats, I read a book called The Expat.

In my defence, I asked for the right book, with the right author at W H Smith’s bookstore at Changi Airport, Singapore. I was handed the wrong book.

The correct book The Expats by Chris Pavone:  

Kate Moore is a typical expat mom, newly transplanted from Washington DC to the quiet cobblestoned streets of Luxembourg. Her days are filled with coffee ... But Kate is also guarding a tremendous secret - one that’s becoming so unbearable it begins to unravel her new expat life.

Their book is set in Holland, a thriller of mystery and intrigue where the main character is a C.I.A. agent.

The book I was handed is called The Expat by Patricia Snel, a steamy thriller set in Singapore where the bored housewife has a fling with the Guy in the opposite apartment, before finding out his involvement in Asian sex trade industry. 



Their book is a New York best seller, mine a raunchy, ’50 Shades of Singapore’ type book.

The British Women's Group Book Group have just finished reading The Tattooist of Auschwitz, with its weighty subject matter. 

So imagine me reading the American book, with a slight eyebrow raised. I’d never meet these ladies before, I thought as I was reading it, ‘Wow, they must be a load of fun. I can’t wait to discuss chapter twelve.’

Awwwwww Gawd. Awkward. 'Beam me up, Scotty!'



I was telling my British friends how I’d disgraced myself with the Americans, they were no help. They all fell about laughing. Do you know what they said?

‘Well, you better make sure you read the right book next time as you won’t get away with it two months running!’  Cheeky.

So in an effort to redeem myself, I need to know any good books for future recommendations. It needs to be weighty, interesting and definitely without any smut!

Looking forward to hearing from you… if you’re still talking to me!


Linking with thanks to Maggie at Mosaic Monday
and all the hosts at Our World Tuesday




Comments

Rosie said…
I have just read your blog, and have had a good laugh! Hope you're not offended. It must be very difficult to move to another country without friends or family but you seem to have a very good sense of humour that hopefully will get you through. I do love travelling but have never lived anywhere else but Australia but encouraged our children to travel and my daughter has lived in several countries but has thankfully made her home here in Australia.

Popular posts from this blog

Autumn Spice and everything nice!

Hey, what ever happened to Summer? I hope yours was lovely, mine was pretty amazing! It feels like my whole year has whizzed past in a flash, how about yours?  I've had a year of saying "yes" to everything offered to me. It has been exciting to put it out to the Universe to see where I should be. We feel very fortunate to be able to do this in my husband's early years of retirement. I'm just back in Asia from the US. I never feel my year is quite right without seeing British daffodils in the Spring and a pumpkin and the leaves turning in Autumn. Yay, the world nailed it this year, thank you.  Read on to find out what happened when my ultimate yes occurred on a trip to Montana to meet Ruth, an IG friend. I know Bloggers will smile and not be at all concerned, we've been meeting up around the globe for years, haven't we...?!  But let's just say some of my family and friends were, you're doing what?! But first some Little Wren updates! France I had so

Taipei Adventures, naked - moi?!

I have to tell you all about my little adventure in Taipei recently, naked at the Hot Springs! I can't believe that I have never been to Taiwan, I certainly urge you all to go if you ever get the chance. For me, I loved the combination of influences of two countries I enjoy.  Street views from Downtown Taipei The Chinese left some interesting historical influences and stunning architecture, which combined with a Japanese legacy and efficiency in transportation, makes Taipei an easy place to visit, with so much to see. Nowadays, Taiwan has emerged as a thoroughly modern city, I loved my time there. It felt exotic and safe until I had to get my kit off. It was a spur of the moment decisions to join my husband on his Taiwanese business trip, prompted by the delay in the arrival of our furniture into Bangkok, and ‘no room at the inn’ where we had been staying. Given that I’m commitment and fancy-free in Thailand; there’s no job, no kids, no dog and absolutely nothing in

It's a funny old world!

Welcome to Racha Island Hello everyone and greetings from Phuket, Thailand THAILAND THOUGHTS Thailand where we have now reopened the country and are ready to welcome international fully vaccinated arrivals without quarantine to our beautiful island.  For all the details check out  Phuket Sandbox: Would you, should you, could you?   This month another southern island Koh Samui followed along. There are slightly different arrangements with guests to stay within their arrival hotel for three days before supplying a negative Covid test. This gives freedom to roam the island, after 7 days, visitors can also visit the islands of Koh Phangan and Koh Tao. For all the details check out: Welcome back to Thailand via Koh Samui plus All this as Thailand records the highest Covid numbers and death rates ever recorded and stricter measures have been released across the worst affected Provinces.  There is a plan for more of the country to open and the idea was for Thailand to fully reopen to vaccinat